This is How I’ll Overcome

I was just reading an old email that I wrote my friend Eryka back in 2009.  It was talking about how stressed and depressed I was.  How afraid I was because I had high blood pressure and decaying wisdom teeth with no insurance.  How I was determined to fake joy until I could obtain it.  And how my bank account was negative after I finished paying my past due bills.  

That was in 2009.   Things have changed a little since then but not completely.

Still to this day, I struggle with stress and depression.   It isn’t because of any one particular reason, but rather a build up of small events over time.  The ironic thing is that I know exactly how to end the cycle and I haven’t done it, because of fear.

What would my friends think?  What would my family think?  I’d rather just take residence in a dark room than live the life that God has for me, because I am afraid to be vulnerable.  

Well if truth sets you free then I am ready to experience freedom.  If God is love, I am ready to experience God.  And if I am to live out my purpose on this earth, then I am ready to Overcome. 

This time I’m taking off the face paint.  I only wore it because I didn’t want you looking at me anyways. It allowed me to be someone else, but in order to live abundantly happy, I must face my truth. 

So here’s to my hope that the truth sets me free.  A hope that I will stop trying to overcome only by the blood of the lamb and truly overcome through the word of my testimony. 

My story includes some awesome times like being honored in a Walt Disney Parade and seeing the hand of God feed thousands with no money.  It’s also the story of a boy whose been hospitalized for trying to commit suicide and have battled with extremely low self esteem for his entire life.    

I honestly thought I would die before I experienced freedom.  That was the truth.  Three years ago, I was on the way to a planned death.  But today I am refusing to let that be my story and instead I am colliding with truth. 

So judge me, hate me, love me, talk about me, or ignore me… 

I must tell my story. 

This is how I’ll Overcome.