Wake Up and Pay Attention

Lately I have been waking up without joy. I’m sure it has something to do with the recent death of my mother, coupled with my insecurities and fears.

My mother was my why. For as long as I can remember, it has been my life’s goal to make her proud. She was fun, kind, loyal, motivational, and inspirational and always challenged me to keep going in pursuit of happiness.

My insecurities have always been louder than my confidence. I’ve always compensated with my smile ((that is now down about 7 teeth)), my afro ((which grows much slower nowadays), and my bright white eyes ((which went through a season of bright red)).

At my mothers funeral I gave a speech and mentioned that we shouldn’t be skurred because we have God himself for us and a host of ancestors surrounding us. And even though I believe this, fear still cripples me.

Most nights I’m awake past 12am. In doing this, I am usually starting my day scrolling through social media, watching netflix, or stuffing my face. I have made it a habit to carry the previous day and its worries into the new one, instead of going to sleep to rejuvenate and waking up to a new day.

Until today. Today, I am making the decision to go somewhere and be somebody. I am choosing to heed to the words God gave me when I first had the opportunity to serve people experiencing homelessness in 2006.

The time is now or never, to make this dream come true and His joy will come in the morning and be my strength.